My Ex Wants To Ruin My Present Relationship. What Do I Do?

Peters Precious Oshone

One major challenge many of us face in relationships is that we struggle to get through our present relationship while fighting silent or noisy battles with our ex-lover. Some stories end well while others end very badly or even bloody. Well, what do you expect? In a generation where young people are so choosy and picky about partners, you couldn’t expect anything less. Very rarely can we find a relationship where both partners have had no other relationships before, that ends in marriage. In fact, such weddings are more likely the talk of the town whenever they happen. Their age groups and friends often wonder how they managed to scale through. And if you ask the couple, it wasn’t easy at all, getting to this point. And most often, many of them would give you tales of having wandered off to some other relationships before finding their way back to their starting point.


I’ve heard of stories where a lady would date a guy for a while and then decides she wanted someone else. She moves on but he doesn’t. At several points in her new relationship, he shows up to either seduce or distract her from her present relationship.  And sometimes it could go the other way round. The lady could be the one doing the witch-hunting while the guy goes through the stress of saving his new relationship.

I once knew a couple some years back who broke up for whatever reasons but kept ‘re-dating’ each other at least for three months every year. At least, until the lady finally broke the jinx by getting married to someone else. The guy was always bent on breaking any relationship she got into but the lady knew she wasn’t ready to settle down with a personality like his.

Now, the question is, what do I do if my ex has chosen to be ‘a pain in my butt’? How do I get rid of them? OR, I still seem to have feelings for my ex, how can I avoid double dating? Well, I have a few tips on how you can get over yourself and handle such situations.

  1. Decide on what you really want – the first thing you need to do is to decide whether you want to remain in your present relationship or that your feelings are so strong for your ex that you need to go back to them. Either way, don’t betray anyone of them by double dating. You can’t be ‘in-love’ with two people at the same time. It’s always either A or B.
  2. Tell yourself the truth – ask yourself the following questions and be truthful about your answers.
  3. Why did I break-up with my ex in the first place?
  4. Do I feel any sense of security in going back to my ex-lover?
  5. Am I really sure I don’t value my present relationship to the point of letting an ex ruin it?

If you answer these questions sincerely, you won’t be confused in knowing which partner to stick with.

  1. Be sincere to both parties – covering up your feelings or hiding the truth is what lands many people in trouble. You have to tell both your ex and your present lover; the truth about what is going on in your heart and how you feel. If you really want to move on and make your new relationship work, tell it to your present partner and together, you can both chase your ex far away from your ‘love territory’. It doesn’t matter whether you still have feelings for your ex or not. Feelings come and go. And of course, you once had a relationship with that person, so your feelings could be aroused when they start coming too close to your heart. But, if you have resolved not to go back, tell your new partner the whole truth, and let them help you barricade your heart from every distraction. People tend to cheat on each other when secrets build brick walls between them. So, don’t let the wall build.

But if you decide your present relationship isn’t worth the fight, well, tell your ex and tell your present partner. Truth is, whoever’s side you are on will always try to fight off the ‘intruding partner’.

So, in a nut-shell, I would say, get over yourself and come clean. Stay true to yourself and to those around you. Your ex cannot ruin your present relationship. Only you can.


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