How To Listen To Your Partner: The Marriage Counselor

Elizabeth Nnaji

Hello dear people! In our last discussion, we talked about the Importance of Listening in Communication. Today, we shall be looking at How To Listen to your partner. Some of us might think that the act of listening is not worth discussing; believe me, it is. The act of listening is not in some people’s nature, but it can be learned. Below are some points on how to listen to your spouse that you might need to try so your partner will be glad he/she has finally got a listening ear.


It is very important that you avoid distraction during a conversation with your spouse, especially when the issue the partner is talking about is a serious one. The issue may not be serious to you, but it is to your spouse, and that’s why you must pay an undivided attention.  There are two things you need to avoid when having an important discussion;

  1. Phone calls/surfing the internet: the conversation would not last all day, please try as much as possible to avoid your phones whilst the conversation lasts. Picking up phone calls or busy browsing the internet when your partner is talking to you about something important is unhealthy, except in the case when the phone call is very important. Receiving or making phone calls when a conversation is on-going between the two of you, means you’re talking to several people at the same time; your attention is divided. Your partner might find it hard to repeat what he or she was saying when you got distracted by phone calls, because there is the tendency for her to feel that what he or she is saying is not important to you, and that can affect your partner emotionally. This is why you must know how to listen.
  1. Television: another attention divider you must be aware of is the television. When having an important conversation, it is important you turn off the TV, otherwise, you’ll be distracted. What’s going on on the TV screen would at some point in the conversation take your attention, and your partner will be talking to the air. You need to know how to listen by avoiding distractions such as this.

See Through Your Spouse

When you are conversing with your partner, try to see his or mind and feel what he or she feels within, that would enhance your listening capacity. The true act of listening comes from your heart connections.  We must note that paying attention is not just the outward attention your partner can see, but the inner attention your partner needs to feel as well. Some of us may be seen to be listening with all outward attention, but our mind is far away from us. Endeavour to match your outward attention with the inward one. Try all you can to distance your mind from thoughts that could distract you when having a conversation with your spouse.

Do Not Be In Haste

Some of us married folks are usually in a hurry to leave for something else during a conversation. That can sometimes be very annoying to our partner; your partner starts to feel you believe he or she is talking nonsense. Sacrifice some time and listen attentively to your spouse; he or she would appreciate your time. It’s important you know how to listen to your spouse.

Communication in marriage is a broad topic to discuss, but here is where we stop for today. Next time, we shall be looking at How To Avoid Boring Conversation. Cheers!

For your personal questions, or issues that troubles your mind you might want us to discuss, please contact me;



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