How I Became A Lesbian
My name is Lilian, my girlfriends call me Lilly. In the warm arms of gorgeous ladies with a tender and caring heart, I’ve taken my refuge for one and a half decade. My comfort is guaranteed in their arms. However, I wasn’t born a lesbian.
This is my story; I grew up in a family of four: mum and dad, my elder brother and I. Our home was a battle field where neighbors came to watch a mother and a father fight. I used to sit at one corner in the sitting room, weeping, when I was little, watching helplessly whilst my dad, the undefeated champion at home, had my mum battered. I was just a little girl, I couldn’t help mum. Severally, my elder brother, Nicholas, sustained injuries while trying to rescue mum, and severally my mum was admitted in the hospital, and each time, she spent not less than three days in the hospital. Mum was advised by her friend to leave the marriage, but she valued religion more than her life: she always told us that marriage was for better and for worse. I learnt the hard way that marriage was only for worse, when I watched my mum taken into six feet below, after a hit from daddy on her forehead. This time I was sixteen. We could not report Daddy to the police, not because of his threat to kill us if we did, but a plea from family members who advised that reporting him to the police would mean losing both parents and the guilt of unforgiveness may haunt us forever. ‘Nature was cruel and biased to have made men stronger than women,’ a thought in my head that I had to live with. I had a boyfriend named Moses. Moses tried his best to be there for me, but there was something I hated about him: he always got carried away by my big boobs. Each time we were together, chatting, he just kept staring intently at my breast, even though I never ceased to cover them, the one that always made him to forget what he wanted to say. Several times he would ask; “what did you say? … Where did you stop?” I often reminded him, but sometimes I’d ask what he was thinking and why he kept staring at my boobs, he would reply by saying; “When will you allow me to feel what’s behind your bra?”
”Naughty boy! Until we get married”, I would say. I always wanted to keep my body sacred till my wedding night.
One fateful night, hoodlums swooped in our home: four armed men that wore mask in their faces. My dad and my brother were both shot dead by the robbers, and these four gun men rapped me violently at gun point. Even though I was bleeding profusely, the four men each made sure they had a taste of me. I woke up in the hospital bed the next morning. Till this moment, I don’t know how I got to the hospital, but a nurse told me that I was brought in by the police.
Few weeks after their burial, I received the greatest shocking words in the world from Moses. ”See what I’ve been begging you for that you refused to give me, stupid people had it… how am I sure you’re not effected with HIV? This relationship is over” He said and left. I did all I could to beg Moses to come back to me, but he’d made up his mind against me. It seemed the whole world had crumbled on me. I hated men and till this day, I still see them as monsters.
The only person I had was Ruth. Ruth was a very good friend of mine; we always visited each other. Ruth was more than a friend; she was like a mother and a sister. One hot afternoon, I went to Ruth’s house and met her watching a pornographic movie; she cajoled me to watch it with her. The porn movie had only women on cast; my friend was glued to it. Soon I developed interest in watching such movies. One day, we were watching the same movie when Ruth suddenly started to caress my body, I pushed her away. She drew closer again and went nude, her body was soft and tender like what I was seeing on the TV screen. That day she told me that she’d been a lesbian, that she had never had any feeling for any guy, and that she’d always loved me and wanted to have sex with me.
”Are you crazy?” I said to her.
”Lilian, you’ll enjoy me” she said.
”Are you out of your mind?”
That was the last thing I remembered saying; Ruth had swallowed my lips, held me so tightly that her warmness weakened me. She and I had gotten intimately glued, sweeping lips, caressing each other, and all that. Later that day, I realized how comfortable and sweet life could be in the arms of a woman. All I’ve ever seen in my life was the sheer wickedness of men, I couldn’t just go close to them, and so I became a full time lesbian.
But I have a problem: I love children so much and I would love to have children, but I hate men and I can’t imagine myself in bed with a man; this, is my dilemma. Deep down, I know I can’t remain a lesbian forever. I know about artificial insemination, but I love nature and dislikes what’s artificial. I would love to have my children the natural way, but I fear men.
This story came from a chat between me and an online female friend of mine who disclosed to me her hidden pains. Read more true life stories here on Cosmic Ray. Your comments are welcome.