We all remember the countless congratulatory messages we received from family and friends when we just got married. Everyone wish us a happy married life and we so wished ourselves the same. But for some of us, these days, we don’t even want anyone to ask after our spouse because we don’t want to respond in a way that would make it obvious that we are no longer happily married. As a matter of fact, there are many people out there who wish they were rather single than married. This is because every single day of their marriage reminds them only of sadness and regret. We are the architects of our own sadness or happiness and these two emotions never depend on what others do to us. We make a choice to be happy or sad; no one else can do that for us. We owe it to ourselves to have a happy married life.
Knowing this truth, we can therefore assure ourselves that if there is anything like happiness lacking in our relationship with our spouse, then we are both the cause and solution. And for many of us, this may not sound like good news but it is good news all the same, because it only means that the solution to our issues is much easier than we really imagine. Here, I’ll highlight some vital points needed to be addressed if we really want to see joy and happiness restored in our home, and enjoy a happy married life.
- The God factor – The first thing you need to know about restoring the happiness in your marriage is that where there is no fear of God, there is no joy. So the first thing you really need to do is to go down on your knees and invite God into your home. Even if you are a clergy man or woman, there are times it feels like God has been driven away from your life and marriage because of the attitude of both you and your spouse. And if your mind feels so jammed and clogged with sadness and frustration that you can’t even find the strength to pray, then seek spiritual counsel and get your feet back on ground. A god-less marriage is a pain-filled marriage; happy married life is buried
- Be the Happy Spouse – Being continuously sad and expecting your spouse to make you happy is like wishing for a ‘dam in the desert’. For every action there is always a reaction. So, if you are not reflecting happiness, your spouse can barely reflect happiness back to you. Choose to be happy, no matter the challenges you face with your spouse. Choose to stick together, no matter the turbulence. You know what makes your spouse happy; go the extra mile for them and don’t just fold your hands waiting for them to make you happy. If both husband and wife make continuous effort to have a happy married life, then no marriage would ‘hit the rocks’. Don’t let issues of life bother you to a point that the emotions you have towards your spouse begin to fade. Treat your relationship with your spouse as special and separate.
- 3. Never forget the beginning – When things get really bad that you begin to wish you never married, think of the first time you fell in love with your spouse; the first time you looked passionately into his or her eyes, kissed or even just held his/her Keep reminding yourself of those moments when you promised yourself you will love no other except that special person. If you and your spouse make it a habit of rewinding the pleasant past and reminding yourselves of the reasons why you stuck to each other to the point of marriage, then things might take a completely different form from what they are right now. You can even go as far as ‘re-living’ the past by doing those special things or going to those special places you once did with your spouse when the love was still fresh. Women could really appreciate this part because many of them feel inferior or less beautiful than when you met them and this also has a way of influencing their reactions and responses to everyday conversations. But if a women feels treated exactly the same way as when you first met her, her self confidence would be renewed to a point that she would most certainly want to do much more for you. And men like to feel like men, just the way their woman made them feel at the beginning. So, if you are the type that addresses your husband as if you are his mother, both privately and publicly, desist from it if you really want to see smiles restored to his face; except you don’t need a happy married life.
- . Respond to issues; don’t react – If every person in a relationship decides to respond positively to one another, the world would be a better place. Responding is different from reaction. When you react, you most often take regrettable actions but when you respond, you make conscious decisions. If you want peace to reign in your marriage, you have to learn to respond to issues and not react. This especially goes to the female folk who are naturally emotional beings. Learn to think properly before taking any action. And for the men, the sooner you realize that you mustn’t react to every trouble your wife brings your way, the better for your home.
- Make your spouse your best friend – If you so desire to have a happy married life, you need to make your partner your best friend. If your spouse is your best friend, no matter how you fight or quarrel, you would always find a way to settle your differences and lean on each other once again. A best friend is like an emotional pillar you just can’t do without. Having a best friend other than your spouse makes them semi strangers or simply co-tenants to you. Your best friend listens to you at any time and tells you everything as well. Your best friend seeks to preserve the friendship by doing things to keep you bonded and somehow always thinks of how to bring excitement into your friendship. So, if your spouse is your bestie, happiness will naturally flow in your home.
- Be mindful of external opinion – No matter the respect you have for certain people in your life, once you are married to a person, the opinion of others about that person should be less important to you than what you really think about that person. Nobody should tell you they no more about your husband or wife not even their parents. So long as that bond of marriage links you up; you have been giving the full right to explore your spouse in all aspects of their being. Hence, you are the best judge of their character especially when it concerns your marital relationship. Many homes have crashed because of external opinions and interference of others. Don’t make your home a scapegoat. To enjoy a happy married life is achievable; be very wise!