I have been ushering for almost a year now, but this last job I did at a wedding really opened my eyes to a lot of wrong things we do at weddings. Well, perhaps because of the strategic place I was asked to stand (at the entrance) or maybe because I was with my gossip partner, “TINY”. The point is, I saw a lot and decided to write this to entertain and correct. Oh yeah, it’s a satire!
RESPECT YOURSELF
There are some event centres in your various locations that you know is strictly for the rich. Whenever you are invited to any one of them, you should know that the security is going to be embarrassingly tight. The “do you know who I am?” drama should be avoided; better still, you can buy the “aso ebi”, because that is like an automatic ticket. But seriously, Tiny and I had a good laugh over all the pushing, shoving, sweating, and gele falling.
THE INVITE
Here applies the strictly by invitation theory. You got invited to this cool wedding, but then you decided to ask Madam this and Miss that to go with you. Did you stop to consider that the strictly by invitation thing means they have limited number of guests and preparation for food and gifts and comfort have only been made for those that were actually invited. Avoid the embarrassment of having to call someone to identify you at the gate and just go with your invite for easy entry.
THE SITTING ARRANGEMENT
I cannot count how many times I have been given the embarrassing job of going to tell someone that he or she has to get up because he/she is sitting on a reserved seat. How difficult can it be? The chairs having a different colour entirely from the rest, or the big paper with the word “reserved” on the table obviously means you shouldn’t sit on it. Seriously, I feel bad when I have to tell someone to get up. This kind of embarrassment is totally avoidable.
EATING HABIT
There was this wedding I ushered at. They made cute little cupcakes and kept a box containing 8 cupcakes on each table for all the guests seated at the table obviously. There was this woman, her friend and her son, and they finished all the cakes the moment they sat on that table. One other party guest went as far as stuffing the entire box in a bag. Some even go as far as bringing their nylons from home to pack food from the venue. Hello??? It’s a wedding, and not a feed the nation seminar.
THE GIFT
This particular topic cannot be over emphasized. I noticed a lot of people coming in with nothing in their hands, and it made me remember the days when we actually felt uncomfortable going to parties without gifts, but now we stroll in without a care in the world. This is so wrong on different levels. Please be nice and go to a wedding with something no matter how little; it’s the thought that matters.
BE NICE TO USHERS
You’ve got to be nice to the ushers! They are like the middle men, and they can get you what you want. If you’re not nice to ushers, well, let’s just say you really won’t enjoy the wedding.
As my friends will always say to the ladies, “eat well, drink well and find a man. All in all, weddings are celebrations of love between two people, so please stop making weddings a place exhibit your gluttony.
At least you now see those crimes we commit at weddings mostly unknowingly.
Au re voir!
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