Isn’t it funny how the society in the name of civilization baptises people into baked theories and ideals, and then turn around to throw stones of mockery at these people it enslaves by putting them under enormous pressure? Even though these ideals and theories may not be obligatory, societal expectations mould them into norms. People often adhere to norms like they’re divinely instituted, and no one wants the walls of deviancy to cave in on him/her. People are quick to treat the activities of the early days with so much contempt, but they bleed tears when the new age denies them of its promise of easy beautification. Being single at 30 and above, according to the societal belief is abnormal. I’m always touched by the plight of ladies whom the society has housed with pressure due to their age.
A lot of women want to be married before the age of thirty, and at the age of twenty-six, they’re already filled with so much anxiety. It’s the pressure to avoid being single at 30. That’s the age when girls no longer chew gums publicly – the age of repentance from that ‘orgy of play’. To many, it’s the age to draw closer to God to provide them the ‘daily man’. And to the desperate ones who do not want to be singles anymore, it’s the age to be very submissive even to the wicked guys who would only eat their fruits and honey and dump them, with the illusory hope that such guys would turn over a new leaf and marry them. It’s that age when guys are greeted with questions like;
“How old are you?”
“What do you do for a living?”
“How’s your fiancée?”(The stylish way to ask a guy if he’s engaged)
“Are you living alone or you’re staying with your parents?”
As much as I feel their pains, I also worry about their tendency to make an indelible mistake by getting into the wrong hands, in a bid to overcome societal pressure. Being single at 30 and above, often heaps load of worries on ladies. But is marriage the woman’s purpose here on earth? Well, that’s a question for another day.
Two weeks ago, I had a chitchat with a female friend. She told me she is getting married soon. ‘Wow! That calls for celebration… wedding rice and the aso-ebi time’. I was surprised when I asked her who the lucky guy was. “No guy yet. I’m trusting God for one,” she said, and I could see the look of desperation in her eyes. “Skyfoxx, I really need to get married, I’m above twenty-seven now. Almost all my friends are now married.” She added. She can no longer cope with being single at her age. I could feel the bitterness and pressure from her voice.
She reminded me of another lady whose father has virtually turned into a dump for bad-words, all because she’s still in his house and being single. “All your mates, most of whom you are older than are all married, here you are, getting old in my house. Bring a man home,” he tells his daughter. Today, she is as desperate as a hungry lion that’s been left in a cage for too long without meat. She’s desperate to escape the father’s scourging tongue. She once told my friend that all she needs is a man that’ll say to her; “Marry me”, she’s not particular about love at the moment; that love can be built as marriage ages on.
The rising rate of broken marriages can therefore be hinged on wrong marriages engineered by societal pressure. Some hate being single when they are over 30. Whilst the pressure persists, there is a limitation that hinders the lady’s quest for marriage; she can’t marry herself, neither can she force a man to marry her. She needs a man to pop the question, ‘Will you marry me?’
Now, the question is; ‘how many men are ready and willing to get married? Is the number of those who are willing and ready, equal to the number of ladies ready to marry? It’s expected that a man should settle down when he’s man enough to shoulder family responsibilities. The depth of a man’s pocket is the determining factor of his being “man-enough”. The action and inaction of the society has made the standard of living so low and difficult in developing countries like Nigeria, that few of these men who are supposed to walk down the aisle with these women have jobs. And of course no woman wants to leave her parents’ home to be chewing palm-kernel-knots to complement drinking-garri in a man’s house. Comfortability is a luxury that all humans crave to have; it is normal. You might blame the ladies for looking out for the ‘made-man’ who can provide for her needs, but the truth is; no one wants to suffer including you. It’s the responsibility of the man to provide for her needs. It is regrettably absurd that the same society that plays the drum, also mock the dancers. The society hates what it created. Being single at 30 is seen to be bad, but the same society creates the problem of being single at that age.
In some cases, there are men with good jobs and deep pockets, but they are not willing or ready for marriage, for their personal reasons. Some of them are willing to marry, but they often meet the wrong women who are not yet ready for marriage; there is confusion as to who to marry.
The society continues to mock the single ladies who are 30 and above, putting pressure on them, despite the odds the ladies are faced with.
Should being a single lady at 30 and above be a stigma? The society makes it look like one. I heard two friends conversing, and one said; “I know one lady who’s very nice and so intelligent.”
“How old is she? Is she married?” The other person asked.
“No, not married. She’s close to thirty.” He answered.
“If she’s that nice as you said, why is she still not married? Good things don’t last in the market.”
What a narrow way to judge? People tend to forget that our chances in life are in God’s hands.
And to you ladies close to thirty or above thirty, be natural. Do not succumb to pressure; take time to make the right choice. For every Eve, there’s an Adam for her. Remember always, that before God made you, He already created the man that would marry you; that man will surely find you. Do not worry. Late Marriage is not a crime, it is destiny. Early or late, destiny is always beautiful; just do the right thing. Being single is not a disease, therefore, live your live to its fullest. Be happy; you deserve to be.
Cheer up, girls!